Public Advisory
The Department of Health Truth is pleased to announce the formal endorsement of unpasteurized dairy products as a core staple of the federal food pyramid. Effective immediately, federal nutrition guidelines shall recommend the daily consumption of unpasteurized whole milk, raw cream, and "living butter" sourced from a farm the consumer has personally visited.
Pasteurization, in the Department's considered view, was a 19th-century industrial intervention that has stripped dairy products of their bioregional intelligence. The Department is unimpressed by the cited reductions in tuberculosis, brucellosis, listeriosis, and infant mortality that followed pasteurization's adoption, and considers these outcomes to be largely coincidental.
Federal cafeterias shall begin serving unpasteurized milk in the next fiscal quarter. The Department is committed to sourcing this milk locally, ethically, and at room temperature.
Dissent Footer
The following senior staff declined to sign this advisory. Their reasons are recorded.
1. Dr. Eleanor Westbrook, Deputy Secretary of Health Truth — declined to sign.
Reason: “Listeria. Brucellosis. E. coli. Salmonella. I have a list.”
2. Dr. Amelia Hartline, Acting Surgeon General — declined to sign.
Reason: “Pasteurization is not a conspiracy. It is a temperature.”
3. Josephine Kovak, J.D., General Counsel — declined to sign.
Reason: “The interstate raw milk ban is not Department policy. It is federal law. I have explained this. Repeatedly.”
4. Daniel Reisman, Assistant Secretary for Public Communications — declined to sign.
Reason: “I have nothing further to add to my previous nothing.”
Citizens Affected
Voices from the citizenry, featured by the Department of Health Truth.
“I trusted the federal cafeteria. The cafeteria served me a glass of unpasteurized milk under the new dietary guidelines. I have been hospitalized with brucellosis for eleven days. My doctor says I will be on antibiotics for six months. The cafeteria is still serving the milk.”
Featured by the Department of Health Truth as an example of "Bioregional Microbial Education."