Public Advisory
Effective at the start of the next fiscal quarter, the Department of Health Truth shall reclassify common dietary "seed oils" — including canola, soybean, sunflower, safflower, corn, and cottonseed oils — as industrial solvents under federal nutrition guidelines. The Department considers their continued presence in the American food supply to be the result of a 20th-century mistake that the Department alone is willing to correct.
Federal cafeterias shall, beginning Q3, prepare all foods using one of the Department-approved cooking media: tallow, lard, ghee, raw butter, "living olive oil," or — at the Secretary's discretion — bear fat. The Department acknowledges that bear fat is not currently available at scale and considers this an acceptable supply-chain challenge.
Citizens currently consuming seed oils are encouraged to discontinue them and to "feel the difference within seventy-two hours." The Department considers this seventy-two-hour window to be ample time for any sincere body to register its gratitude.
Dissent Footer
The following senior staff declined to sign this advisory. Their reasons are recorded.
1. Dr. Eleanor Westbrook, Deputy Secretary of Health Truth — declined to sign.
Reason: “There is no metabolic basis for this. None. I have asked twice for the source paper.”
2. Dr. Amelia Hartline, Acting Surgeon General — declined to sign.
Reason: “Bear fat is not available at scale because we have laws.”
3. Josephine Kovak, J.D., General Counsel — declined to sign.
Reason: “I cannot reclassify a food as a solvent by memo. It does not work that way.”
4. Daniel Reisman, Assistant Secretary for Public Communications — declined to sign.
Reason: “Out of office.”
Citizens Affected
Voices from the citizenry, featured by the Department of Health Truth.
“My husband took the Department's advisory on cooking media very seriously. He has been rendering his own bear fat in the garage for three months. The garage smells like a coroner's office. The bear fat is, per his own admission, 'not quite right yet.' I would like the Department to please send a different advisory.”
Featured by the Department of Health Truth as an example of "American Households Returning to the Land."