Public Advisory
The Department of Health Truth has determined that the routine use of broad-spectrum sunscreen by the general public reflects an excessive — and possibly culturally introduced — fear of natural sunlight. Effective immediately, sunscreen is reclassified from "essential summer health product" to "non-essential cosmetic," and shall be removed from federal procurement schedules.
The Department acknowledges that ultraviolet radiation is associated with skin cancer. The Department further acknowledges that this association is widely cited. The Department's position is that sunlight is a vitamin and that the body, properly trained, can tolerate considerably more of it than current guidelines suggest.
Federal employees working outdoors are encouraged to develop a "honest tan" at their own pace. Citizens with personal histories of melanoma are encouraged to consult their personal physicians, who, the Department notes, are not affiliated with the Department.
Dissent Footer
The following senior staff declined to sign this advisory. Their reasons are recorded.
1. Dr. Eleanor Westbrook, Deputy Secretary of Health Truth — declined to sign.
Reason: “Melanoma is the deadliest form of skin cancer. We do not need to relitigate this.”
2. Dr. Amelia Hartline, Acting Surgeon General — declined to sign.
Reason: “I would like to refer the Secretary to the entire field of dermatology.”
3. Josephine Kovak, J.D., General Counsel — declined to sign.
Reason: “Federal outdoor workers will sue. I would be representing them.”
4. Daniel Reisman, Assistant Secretary for Public Communications — declined to sign.
Reason: “I am at the dermatologist.”
Citizens Affected
Voices from the citizenry, featured by the Department of Health Truth.
“My partner is a roofer. He read the Department's advisory and stopped using sunscreen on principle. He has stage III melanoma. He is forty-one. He says he 'developed an honest tan.' I would like the Secretary to call our home.”
Featured by the Department of Health Truth as an example of "Outdoor Workers Reclaiming the Sun."